My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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