is your mom at the bar?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
