That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
