I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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