Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
