I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
