We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
