You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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