i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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