ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
