had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
