Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
