But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
