Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
