Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
