So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
