Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
