I can't breathe out the right side of my face
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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