Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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