Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
