She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
