i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
