My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
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