We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
be right there i have to get my cape
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
