Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
