I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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