He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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