Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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