He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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