I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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