my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
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By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
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What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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