I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
