just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you win again, gameday.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
