I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
