Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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