i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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