somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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