My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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