: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
