not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
