There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
