Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
