Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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