Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
