If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
