i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
