I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
