Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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