Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
