Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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