No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
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I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
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all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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