your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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