I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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