Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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