that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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