Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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