Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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