just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
