I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
