Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Are we still banned from the library?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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