wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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