I CAN MOONWALK!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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