what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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